
Teens and young adults often ask for support with managing their screen time. Parents want to facilitate this at home, but it's difficult. To make it easier, we parents need to ask ourselves a challenging question: are we ready to change our own habits first?
As teen screen time has steadily increased, so has parents' free time and our growing tendency to make the most of the peace and quiet: a bit more productivity here or a sneaky scroll there. However, we’ve become so used to this peace and extra time, that if we’re serious about helping them put down their devices (and many of us need to: UK children spend on average 5-6 hours PER DAY on social media) it’s not just their habits that need to change. It’s ours.
We need to be ready to find ways to re-engage with them or at least create an environment which inspires them to want to pursue other things instead of scrolling. If we’re asking them to give up more of their undivided attention, we have to show up more. And this means accepting that we’re not going to send those emails or post those shoes on Vinted or tidy the shed when the kids get home from school. This isn’t just about getting them to detox from screens; it’s about rebuilding connection and purpose in a world that’s made it all too easy to parent passively.
Quiet We’ll Miss… and Why It’s Worth It
That lovely peace and quiet while the kids are scrolling or gaming makes us feel as though we’re in domestic control. But I'd argue that we are far from being in control in the long term if our children are being shaped too much by their screens rather than by more meaningful interactions with us. If we want them to look up from their phones, we need to create moments worth looking up for. It will take effort and it will, I am convinced, be worth it.
What Can We Do?
First, we need to identify what we ourselves will give up to help our teens look up. And then what to do instead? Here are just a few ideas (and please do comment below with others):
1. Scheduled Screen-Free Time for All (Parents too)This one’s going to require a practical and intentional shift. We’ll need to put down our own phones, be strict about not answering work emails, and be present. For some families that might be dinner time, for others that will be Sunday mornings or every night between 6pm and 8pm. Ideally, discuss and agree with everyone involved so it doesn’t feel like an imposed sanction but instead a chance to switch off and change focus.
2. A No-Nag-Guaranteed Screen Time
Everyone is much more relaxed when screen time is happening during an agreed scheduled time; the kids can happily play or scroll away, and we can do what we need to do without feeling guilty. But when that time is up, it’s up – for everyone.
3. Car Conversations
One of my biggest bug bears is the kids being on their devices in the car. If you’ve ever succeeded in getting a reply from a child on a device in the car without asking them a million times, please tell me how you did it! It’s OK if we’re on a journey for a few hours, but for shorter trips (including the school run) it can be a fantastic opportunity to hear what’s on their mind and show them you’re interested. Play a silly game like ‘Would you rather?’ or even just let them sit with their thoughts – they don’t often get the chance to do that.
4. Activity Swaps
We can’t just say, “Get off your phone” and leave them staring into space. We need to come up with alternatives: a family walk, cooking together, or even a film night. And ask them what they’d like to do with your time together. The trick? Make it regular, so they begin to expect—and even enjoy—it.
4. Model What We’re Preaching
It is worth modelling intentionality: “I’m putting my phone on silent for the next hour because I really want to hear about your trip.” demonstrates a conscious decision to be present. The other point to make here is that it's important to model downtime that doesn't involve screens - reading, drawing or making something - so our children witness alternative ways of occupying ourselves.
What Are We Showing Them?
If we don’t show them how to engage meaningfully, they’ll be much less confident about how. As parents, our own behaviour—what we do instead of scrolling—will shape what they learn about relationships, connection, and presence and how they model them in the future.
I’d go so far as to argue that those of us born in the 70s and 80s might be the last generation of parents who can truly embody and model this for their kids. We’re the ones who remember family life before screens. Playing board games, talking around the supper table, car journeys filled with conversations (OK and arguments over directions!)—these things contributed to vital human connection. But if we don’t show our kids these ways of connecting, I’d argue they’re more likely to head into their own parenting years without the tools to redress the balance between device domination and genuine human connection.
We will of course have to endure the grumpy sighs, the reluctant participation, the “this is so boring” comments. However, once the initial resistance fades, we may find they start to appreciate and actually ask for these moments. The key is consistency. It’s like building muscle—awkward at first, but over time, it strengthens.
Reclaiming Connection
The truth is, this isn’t just about helping our teens use their phones less. It’s partly about reclaiming our relationships with them. It’s also about showing them that they’re worth our time and attention—and that real connection feels a whole lot better than a Snapchat streak.
So, yes, there will be plenty of eye-rolling and ‘no-one else’s parents do this’ comments. And no, we won’t always get it right (there will be times when the lure of peace and quiet wins outright). But the effort is worth it. Because the conversations we have in the car, the laughs we share over a game, or even the silences we fill with presence instead of screens—these are the moments they’ll value and remember and which one day they’ll appreciate.
And who knows? Maybe one day, they’ll even thank us for it. Or at least send a nice text.
Thank you for reading this far. If you'd like to discuss how academic or life coaching could help your teen or young adult live more intentionally so they can fulfil their potential, please don't hesitate to get in touch - either by phone or via the form on my contact page
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